Listening

A group of other PCVs (Peace Corps Volunteers) and I just finished a couple of days of training. Another PCV and I trained a half dozen other PCVs to listen empathetically and to otherwise practice active listening skills. Here in Morocco, as in other countries where PCVs serve, there's a VSN (Volunteer Support Network) in place, which supplies VSN peer counselors, who are also PCVs, who listen to fellow PCVs who need to talk to someone about their problems. Insofar as the other trainer and I had already been trained as VSN peer counselors, we trained the half dozen PCVs who swore in as PCVs a few months ago.

We spent some time with our trainees discussing the counseling relationship and what it looks like. Thus we talked about how a VSN counselor is different from a friend. A friend might talk about himself or herself, whereas a VSN counselor focuses on the person asking for a listening ear. A friend might also criticize or rebuke another friend.

We also reviewed the importance of building rapport with the person who contacts the VSN counselor. It's important to establish trust so the person is comfortable sharing.

We also talked about helping the person to identify his or her emotions. Insofar as VSN counselors listen non-judgmentally, the VSN counselor doesn't tell the person what he or she is feeling. Rather, the VSN counselor tries to empathize with him or her and checks if he or she has correctly grasped what he or she is feeling. So, a VSN counselor might venture, "It sounds like you're feeling frustrated," or "It seems like you're irritated by this situation." We also reviewed various techniques for making sure that we correctly understand the people who are speaking to us about their problems. Thus we went over clarifying, paraphrasing, and checking our perceptions of what he or she is saying to us.

We also discussed how a VSN counselor can help someone develop a plan of action. But again, rather than telling him or her what to do, we described how a VSN counselor can ask someone how he or she feels about pursuing certain choices of action, and what the pros and cons of various courses of action might be. We talked about how we can ask him or her what the ramifications of certain courses of action might be.

We also spent time talking about various sources of stress which PCVs, especially those in Morocco, face. We discussed sexual harassment and cultural stress, including tension stemming from religious and political discussions which occur here in Morocco.

During a session on diversity today, once again I was reminded of the diversity amongst PCVs. At various points of my service, I've noted and enjoyed the diversity amongst PCVs here in Morocco, whether it be diversity of ethnicity, race, religion, age, marital status and disability. I've also enjoyed meeting PCVs who hail from many different states in the US, and who have lived abroad in various countries. When PCVs think about benefiting from diversity in the Peace Corps, it seems that often PCVs think of benefiting from the cross-cultural exchange of living in the host country where they're living abroad. However, PCVs also stand to benefit from the diversity they encounter amongst their fellow PCVs.

Someone I'm Going To Aspire To Emulate

Yesterday I took a Marrakech city bus on my way from the center of Marrakech to the town where my friend and fellow PCV (Peace Corps Volunteer) Jack lives. The city buses are much cheaper than taxis. I paid 6 dirhams for the 45-minute bus ride. If I'd taken a taxi, probably I would've paid at least 25 dirhams. The bus fare is set, whereas a taxi driver could end up trying to charge you a lot and you might either try haggling with him, or pay more than you think you should pay, even though you'd be frustrated.

I'm reminded of what a more experienced PCV told me during my first couple of months in Morocco. He noted how a lot of PCVs don't like Marrakech. Some PCVs get turned off by Marrakech and frustrated by it since they wind up spending a lot of money in the city, including while getting overcharged for taxi rides. This particular more experienced PCV advised to learn and use the city bus system. Having taken his tip, the same as the directions given to me by my friend who I'm visiting here near Marrakech, I'm reminded that we should get help and guidance from one another. To do so, it can be easier if one shares how one is feeling. If you're frustrated about a situation, or otherwise feeling challenged by it, tell someone else how you feel about it. Not only will you tend to feel better simply because you've verbalized your feelings, and shared them with someone who can empathize with you, but once the other person knows that you've been struggling with it, he or she can share helpful ideas that he or she may have. Conversely, if you don't share how you feel, you're making it harder for the other person to help you.

Let the other person help you. And in the process, see what you learn about giving and receiving. Last night, I was happy to arrive at my friend's apartment. He welcomed me to his home as he always does when I come to visit. As the evening progressed, he showed me much hospitality. Before I'd sat down, he offered me some of the potato chips he was eating. A little while later, we had breakfast for dinner when he made us some delicious French toast. He gave me half of the orange he was having. He offered me some fancy chocolate. When he went to get a yogurt for himself, he checked to see if I wanted one. He's an unusually magnanimous and gracious host: he's someone I'm going to aspire to emulate.

Bonjour!

I could have already written this blog entry on any of numerous days in the past year and a half, since in it I'm going to describe something which happens very often here. Typically here in Morocco, when Moroccans see a foreigner, they assume that the non-Moroccan either is French and/or knows French. Countless times I have been greeted in French by both Moroccan adults and children. Kids tend to address non-Moroccans in French slightly more than adults do so. I can't tell you how many times youngsters have exclaimed, "Bonjour!" to me. Even though I'm disappointed when youths greet me in French, still it makes sense why they do so, partly because they learn French in school.

For those of you who are more familiar with the process when I was applying to the Peace Corps, you might be puzzled. You might be wondering, after I spent so much time studying French during the year I was applying to the Peace Corps, why it irks me when I'm addressed in French.

It bothers me because often when Moroccans address foreigners in French, they assume that the non-Moroccans don't know Darija, that is, Moroccan Arabic, or one of the Berber languages of Morocco. Moroccans often assume that foreigners don't know Arabic or Berber because they're likely to be tourists. Morocco in general gets a lot of tourists. The town in which I live gets a lot of tourists. Wherever I am in Morocco, people often think I'm a tourist.

After having put in effort to learn Darija, it's frustrating when people assume I'm a tourist and don't know Darija. However, I realize that it's a reasonable assumption which Moroccans make. It's just that after a while, I grow weary of people figuring that I'm here on vacation, and then treating me that way. I just want to function regularly in my everyday life, and have people's behavior acknowledge that.

In processing these thoughts, it has occurred to me that in the US, we have so many people who have immigrated from so many different countries to the US during their lifetimes. We're used to people moving to the US. In tracing their ancestry, the vast majority of US citizens find that fairly recently, their ancestors migrated to the US.

While some foreigners live here in Morocco, there seem to not be that many. And while many people in the US have never been abroad, many US citizens have been abroad. The ones who have been abroad are thus likely to be able to empathize with people who are living in a land which is foreign to them. However, the vast majority of Moroccans have never been, and never will be, abroad. While I remind myself of this fact from time to time, I have to continue to do so. After all, how can I really expect them to understand, when they haven't lived abroad?

A Sure Remedy For The Blues

At various moments in my life, I've found that when I'm feeling down in some way, whether it's discouraged, sad, or some other emotion that's bringing me down, I take a turn for the better emotionally if I choose to help someone else. It makes sense for multiple reasons, and from various perspectives.

In psychological research, it has been found that if you choose to distract yourself, rather than ruminate on your problems, you'll feel better. It's also been shown in such research that if you choose to engage in a more active task, rather than a task where you're more passive, or stationary, you're also likely to feel better.

But I'd add that you feel better because you're choosing to do something, rather than simply letting something be done to you. You're making an affirmative, assertive, proactive choice to take control of your own situation, rather than let it control you.

Not only are we affected by whether or not we choose to do something, we're also affected by what in particular we choose to do. If we choose to do something helpful and selfless, that makes us feel differently than if we react vindictively or selfishly.

We feel differently when we make such divergent choices because we're also affected by the effect we have on others. Often we have the blessing of getting to see how others react to us, which then helps guide our actions in the future. If we hurt someone in front of us, we're likely to see their pain, which is likely to make us regret what we did. We empathize with others. When our friends are happy, we celebrate with them.

When we help others, often the people we've helped thank us. Then we know we've contributed to others having a better day. We know that the other person has appreciated what we've done for them, and that reinforcement also guides our actions in the future.

And after we've helped someone, we have the benefit of thinking about how we've chosen to spend our time. When you reflect on something that you've done which is both productive and beneficial, that is, something that not only accomplishes something, but also supports and nurtures someone else, you feel better about how you've spent your time.

So my recent experience here in town makes plenty of sense. Recently on one night when I was in the dar chebab (Darija, or Moroccan Arabic, for "youth center") where I do most of my volunteering as a Youth Development PCV (Peace Corps Volunteer) here in Morocco, my mood was in the tank. It was looking as if, due to other work, that I wasn't going to get to travel to help some people who needed my help. I was despairing over this obstacle when a student asked me to help him in reviewing an English lesson which was especially challenging for him. It wasn't long after I'd started helping him that my mood started improving, and significantly, at that. And it makes so much sense. Rather than ruminating over how I thought I wasn't going to get to help certain people, I set about to start helping someone who I could help, someone who was right in front of me.

And that reminds me of other wise words of guidance I often try to follow: focus on what you do have. Do what you can do. Help the person who is right in front of you.