Rejected By The Peace Corps

On February 19, four months and two weeks after I submitted my online application to the Peace Corps, I received an e-mail message from the Peace Corps entitled "Peace Corps Application Decision."  It said that the Peace Corps regrets to inform that they cannot offer me a position at this time.  It went on to say that they receive more applications than there are available positions.  They strongly encouraged me to reapply.  

As a practical matter, it doesn't make sense for me, even as an RPCV (Returned Peace Corps Volunteer) and as a former teacher here in the states, to reapply to the Peace Corps now.  As I mentioned in a previous recent blog post, I've also been looking at applying to domestic volunteer programs through www.catholicvolunteernetwork.org.  It behooves me to submit those applications as soon as possible.  I can't really wait until I would hear from the Peace Corps about a new application that I would submit.  So it seems that my course is clear.  

Of course I was disappointed.  Yet I also realize that I don't know what God's plan is.  I pray that God's will be done in my life.  When events take a turn in a direction I hadn't been hoping, I need to be flexible.  I want to accept all that comes my way; any set of circumstances can serve to sanctify any of us, if only we take the proper attitude.  And so I breathe, and try to be patient as I move forward into the unknown.  God, may Your will be done in my life.  Amen.  

Be Patient

It's been nearly four months since I submitted my online application to the Peace Corps.  I still haven't had an interview.  

Peace Corps says that patience and flexibility are two of the qualities that are helpful both as an applicant and once one becomes a PCV (Peace Corps Volunteer).  Having previously been both an applicant and a PCV, I agree.  Besides, were I to become impatient, it wouldn't get me an interview sooner!  

More to the point, patience reflects the state of the heart.  The second reading at Mass today was from 1 Corinthians 13.  Love is patient.  By being patient, you show love.  Let us be patient, and thus love.  Amen.  

The Real Reason For Feeling So Wonderful

In a couple of months, a friend of mine from the states, Melanie, is going to visit me here in my town in Morocco. Unfortunately, she can't really stay with me in my apartment, since my town is so conservative that at least some people here in the community would poorly perceive her staying overnight in my apartment with me.

So, yesterday I visited the various lodging options in and near my town. I visited every place I could find, which turned out to be nine different options. I looked at rooms at every place with the exception of one, since at that one place all of the rooms were occupied when I went there. I got all of the relevant information about the hotels and other lodging options, which I e-mailed to my friend today.

Having gotten that task done, I felt GREAT. Please keep in mind that so much of the time while I've been a PCV, I rely on others to show up, to show their interest, and to take action that I don't have authority to do, but that they have authority to do, by virtue of their positions. Consequently, I end up WAITING a lot. And in general, I'm fine with waiting. I'm glad that I get to cultivate patience in myself as a result of being here. Sometimes, though, it gets to me when I'm not accomplishing things for the reasons I described above.

And so, yesterday, when it was only up to me to get the job done, I was very happy to get out and get it done. Having set out to accomplish a task, and having accomplished it quickly, and almost completely thoroughly, I felt great. In comparison with how I often don't get much done here since I'm waiting for others.

If you're applying to the Peace Corps, or if you're currently a PCT (Peace Corps Trainee) or a PCV (Peace Corps Volunteer), I urge you to keep in mind that things will not always happen on the timetable you want. Also, recognize in which ways you have control, and in which ways you don't. And then conduct yourself accordingly.

If you do become frustrated because you feel like you're not accomplishing much, I recommend retreating a bit. Take the time to evaluate how you are approaching the situation.

Lately I've been helped in this respect while I've been reading the book "Soundings: A Thematic Guide For Daily Scripture Prayer" by Rev. Chris Aridas. In this book, Rev. Aridas addresses a few dozen different themes, centered around how we can best live our lives, guided by passages from the Bible. In one section, he addresses how we, especially as citizens of the USA, want to accomplish things, how we want to be productive. But then he suggests that it's more important to first make sure that we simply are truly being ourselves. He maintains that someone accomplishes things when one is true to one's own identity, rather than because one has completed an activity or a project. As the best example, he asserts that Jesus succeeded because he was true to who he was, not simply because he did anything in particular. He concludes this particular series of thoughts by explaining that when we accept this axiom, the accomplishments will naturally come later.

After having read these musings of Rev. Aridas, I then applied this conceptualization which he describes to my own life, and, in particular, to my recent day in which I researched the lodging options for my friend. It occurred to me that by doing the research for my friend, I was expressing my true identity. That is, in doing that research for her, I was expressing the most crucial part of my identity, which is reflected when I help others. And that makes more sense to me, that I felt so good because I had helped someone else, in this particular case, my friend, which is so important for me to do in my life.

It Could Be Much Worse

When faced with a situation which I find difficult, sometimes because I have to wait longer than I had originally expected for something to happen, or because I can't get what I want right away, I often cope by telling myself that it could be much worse. It was in this vein that I found it very appropriate that I was reading some writings by the Trappist monk Thomas Merton as I was waiting over an hour for a grand taxi in a small town here in Morocco last week. In these particular writings, Merton describes how certain Christians coped with the crimes being committed by the Nazis during World War II, and how they coped with expectations that they participate in such atrocities. In particular, Merton writes about the Austrian Franz Jagerstatter, who was executed in 1943 for refusing to serve in the Nazi military forces. I believe that because I was reading about Jagerstatter, and about his refusal to serve in the Nazi forces, and about how he instead adhered to what he felt was a pure form of Christianity, even though the Nazis executed him for it, I gained a good deal of perspective, and was filled with a great deal of patience. I realized that what I perceived to be a problem, namely waiting for what seemed to be a long time for a taxi, if it actually was even a problem at all, was relatively minor, mundane and unimportant, compared with the challenging moral questions which many people have faced in other, much more stressful circumstances.

And soon enough, as if to validate my acceptance of the true nature of my situation, a bus stopped on the main road, dropping off some people, some of whom wanted to travel on the more minor road on which I had been waiting. Consequently, with these new arrivals, a taxi filled up and was ready to leave.

I was in a full taxi, riding to my destination, the town of my friend and fellow PCV (Peace Corps Volunteer) Ben. He is finishing his service as a PCV this week, so I wanted to visit him in his town before he leaves. We had a good time during my visit. A Peace Corps staff person was visiting his site that day, so as to be more familiar with the town if and when a new PCV starts living there. So we spent part of the day walking around his town, and at times in the process enjoyed great views of the palmerie, the massive grove of palm trees there. We had great meals. One was a tajine with Ben's host family. Another one was at a cafe, and included tomato and onion salad, omelettes, French fries, olives, bread, and olive oil.

When I left his town the next day, I thought about how I was sad that he was about to leave. But then I thought that because he's leaving, that also means that I'm that much further along in my service. Which means that I'm in the thick of being able to help people here in Morocco. And learn things here.

And as I type this, I also know that things could be much worse. Because I have been blessed by God with the freedom which accompanies so many opportunities to give, and in the process, to grow. And thus live the life of love which I aspire to live.

Tips for PCVs and PCTs

I've been compiling a list of tips, or insights, which I feel that I gained when I was a PCT (Peace Corps Trainee) and thus far while I've been a PCV (Peace Corps Volunteer), and which RPCVs (Returned Peace Corps Volunteers) and current PCVs have either explicitly or implicitly suggested to me. I thought it could be helpful to some people if I posted them here. While I have written them with PCVs and PCTs in mind, I think that they could be helpful generally in life, so even if you're not a PCT or a PCV, you might find these to be helpful.

***Take one day at a time. If you find yourself looking forward, only look forward to the next thing that's going to happen in a few weeks or less.

***Acknowledge your feelings. This is another one that is very important. If you try to squelch, smother, or ignore your feelings, such as homesickness, and despair arising out of homesickness, it is likely to get much, much worse. By contrast, by acknowledging your feelings, you are then set to take the next step and deal with them.

***Keep in mind that how you feel is most certainly going to change. This is another huge one. Oftentimes PCVs can feel as if the state in which they currently find themselves is going to continue for the rest of their service. In fact, that is usually not the case, as you continue to adjust.

***Remember that you're not alone. Remember that right now, there are literally thousands of other PCTs/PCVs experiencing challenges in the Peace Corps.

Remember that over 200,000 people have served as PCVs.

Try to maintain perspective.

Upon arriving in your final site, set yourself definitely achievable tasks which will at the same time help you progress in many larger ways, namely:
Learn five new words each day in the host country language;
Meet five new people each day.

Take the time, in fact, make it a part of your routine, to do things each day which nourish your soul, namely:
Write down some things every day for which you are grateful. Be sure that at least some of them are things about your present situation (i.e., great specific people you have met, specific activities you have done in your work, things you get to do in your free time, a new food you have gotten to try, etc.)

Make it part of your daily routine to do something each day which is important to you. For me, that has been reading a few pages of the Bible every morning when I wake up.

Value all of your accomplishments, no matter what size they seem to be.

Remind yourself that you are never going to see all of the positive effects you are having as a PCT and as a PCV.

Try to be flexible. Remember, you're living in a foreign culture, and many things, from transportation, to food, and plenty of other things aren't going to pan out exactly the way you would like them to. Similarly, people are likely not to operate just as you would like them to; host country nationals are likely to be different from you, potentially including in their work habits. Keep all this in mind if you start to become frustrated.

Try to be patient. With others. With yourself. With time. Things probably will not happen when you want them to happen; it might take longer for certain things to happen than you originally hope.

Get some exercise multiple times every week.

Even when the purpose is not to get exercise, just going for a walk can help, including to clear your head, and/or to shift your perspective.

Appreciate the natural beauty and landscape around you.

Try to maintain a sense of humor.

Develop friendships with host country nationals as well as PCVs.

Find the right balance between spending time with host country nationals, spending time with other PCVs, and spending time alone. All of these are important for different reasons, including but not limited to learning about where you are and developing as a person and as a PCV and as a citizen of the USA; getting time with those who understand you; and resting and recharging.

Talk about how you feel. When trouble hits, share your feelings, whether it be with another PCV, a host country national, or friends and family back home, whether by e-mail, through the postal mail, the telephone, Skype or gmail chat.

Keep in touch with folks at home, but don't rely too much on the net.

Use the postal mail. Putting physical pen to paper can be therapeutic. Also, later in life, you'll have more mementos of your Peace Corps experience in the paper letters and other correspondence written with a pen.

Send your postal mailing address to people you love, and ask them to write to you in the postal mail.

Reward yourself.

Take care of yourself.

Ask for help when you need it.

Remind yourself why you're doing this.

Remind yourself of what your values are.

A Kaleidoscope of Emotions

Wow. A lot has happened since my last blog entry, even though it has only been a few weeks. I had intended and had hoped to write a blog entry a couple of weeks ago, but I have been quite busy!

To take things in order... A few days after my last blog entry, I started making the rounds, saying my farewells to new, Moroccan friends I made in the community where I spent PST (Pre-Service Training) with four other PCTs (Peace Corps Trainees). A couple days before we left town, I went into my favorite cafe there, and the waiters walked right over to me, shook my hand, and bid warm farewells to me. All of us PCTs there in town had a party with our host families the night before we left town. At the end of the party, when we were saying goodbye to each other, many tears were shed. 

At my own host family's home later that night, I spent my last few waking hours with my host mother and my host brother, and his sisters who were visiting from out of town. I started crying as I told them that soon after I left the USA, I was sad because I was leaving my family and friends in the USA. Then as I was crying, I told them that it was difficult again because I had to leave them. I thanked them for being so kind, generous and considerate to me. I again said, as I had already told my host brother, that I appreciated them so much, and how they treated me so well and warmly. Having traveled far from home, having left everyone I knew, being in a foreign country, not knowing any Moroccans when I arrived, not knowing how to speak the language and not being accustomed to the culture, I appreciated their generosity and hospitality all the more. They told me that I am a part of their family, which I feel like I am. I felt bad about having to leave.

The next morning, I and the four other PCTs in my local CBT (Community-Based Training) group took a grand taxi to Fes, where we had been storing our excess baggage for the previous two months. The other YD (Youth Development) PCTs also came to Fes that morning to retrieve their excess luggage from storage. We, the 30 or so YD PCTs, then took a bus to the beach town where we had had our first few days of training in Morocco, in September.

There in the beach town, we met up again with the SBD (Small Business Development) PCTs who traveled here to Morocco with us in September. In that town, we had more training sessions, including on health and safety, emotional well-being and coping, and Peace Corps procedures and policies, among other topics.

While we were there, we also had our LPIs (Language Proficiency Interviews). Essentially, during the LPI, for about 15 minutes, an interviewer, who is fluent in Darija, speaks with a PCT in Darija to gauge how well the PCT speaks Darija (one CBT group of five SBD PCTs learned a Berber language instead of Darija, so those PCTs were interviewed in that Berber language). The interviewer then decides how proficient the PCT is in speaking the language. At that point, at the end of PST, the Peace Corps expects PCTs to have attained a certain level of proficiency in the language which they have been learning. I was glad to find out that the Peace Corps thinks that I am speaking Darija at an appropriate level, considering how long I have been in Morocco.

After a few days in that beach town, all of us YD PCTs and SBD PCTs traveled on a couple of buses to Rabat so we could be sworn in as PCVs (Peace Corps Volunteers). In Rabat, the US Ambassador to Morocco administered the Peace Corps oath to us, at which point we became Peace Corps Volunteers! It was definitely a high point thus far in my time here in Morocco. I felt so glad, happy, satisfied and fulfilled knowing that I had become a PCV, which I have wanted to do for over a dozen years. And it felt great to be surrounded by over 60 other brand new PCVs, as we congratulated each other. Immediately after the ceremony, at the reception, it was also notable that I ate some of the yummiest cookies in my life.

While we were happy about becoming PCVs, at the same time, we were disappointed that our Director of the Peace Corps in Morocco, David Lillie, was about to leave us, as he was moving on to another position with the Peace Corps outside of Morocco. He is very kind and thoughtful, and we greatly appreciated how he took the time to get to know us and speak with us as much as he did.

Often the case while being in the Peace Corps, there are juxtapositions of disappointments and low points right next to joyous events and high points. Later that day, dozens of us brand new PCVs celebrated at the American Club in Rabat with each other.

The next morning, we started heading toward our final sites where we will live for the next two years as PCVs. That morning, I caught a train from Rabat to Marrakech with a dozen other PCVs. We stayed in Marrakech for the night. The next morning, a couple groups of us split apart, each group heading in different directions. I continued south with a few other PCVs who are posted in the same region as me.

That afternoon, I arrived in my final site. I arrived back in the home of my new host family. I started getting things done here in town. The first couple of days, things were fine.

After being here a few days, I thought that there will not be any other citizens of the USA here. Upon thinking that, I felt a loneliness unlike any I had ever experienced before. After being in PST with other PCTs around me every day of the week, I was now in a site by myself. Also, during PST, we had our LCF (Language and Culture Facilitator, which is the Peace Corps lingo for our teacher), who helped us immensely in communicating, explained to us Moroccan ways of doing things, and just generally served as a fantastic source of support and encouragement to us.

I also thought, in shock, that I will be here for two years. I despaired. I couldn't believe that I had put myself in this situation. I didn't see how I would be able to be here for two years.

An adjustment was in order. Or, rather, adjustments were in order. Sure, in terms of getting used to living here, learning how things work, how to get things done. But not just in terms of accomplishing tasks.

Also I had to adjust my approach to my own life. While I was still a PCT, a PCV told me, "Don't think of it as putting your life on hold for the next two years. Just think of it as your life." I didn't really understand it at the time. Sure, I was able to conceptualize it, explain it intellectually. But I didn't feel it. No, it was more than that: I wasn't yet living it.

I've been here in site for more than a week now. I've started making new friends. I've been enjoying spending time with Moroccans I've been meeting here. And as a result of that, I feel much more comfortable than I did that angst-ridden day a few days after I arrived here.

The Moudir (director) of the Dar Chebab here in town is fantastic. He is very patient, which I especially appreciate because I can't yet communicate well in Darija.

The kids at the Dar Chebab here are great. They are very friendly, and good-natured. I enjoy going to the Dar Chebab, which of course is great since I will be spending much of my time over the next two years there. I enjoy having laughs with the kids and the Moudir.

I am enjoying living here, and I am looking forward to more of the same. More good times are ahead.