Reflecting On Nearly Two Years Of Peace Corps Service

I just finished my Peace Corps service earlier this afternoon, as today is my COS (Completion Of Service, or Close Of Service) date.  About nine other PCVs (Peace Corps Volunteers) and I spent yesterday afternoon and this morning and this afternoon completing various administrative tasks.  In the last day or two, we've signed a lot of forms.  We also visited various offices at Peace Corps Headquarters here in Rabat, getting signatures of various Peace Corps staff members documenting that we've complied with various reporting requirements.  We had them verify that we've complied with assorted administrative requirements, including returning Peace Corps property, such as our medical kits and smoke detectors, and any books we took out from the Peace Corps library here at Peace Corps Headquarters in Rabat.

It feels good to have just finished my Peace Corps service.  Though I'm not sure how much I've helped here, at least I tried to help.  As a PCV, you'll never know the full effects you've had.

Although I won't know much about how I've helped here, there will be some interactions from my time here in Morocco and from the application process, and from the decision process to apply to the Peace Corps that I think I'll never forget.  Among them are:

* Sitting in church in August 2009 and listening to the pastor say that when we set out to help others and are worried about being lonely, that Jesus reassures us that He will be there with us.  That was the moment when I decided that I was definitely applying to the Peace Corps.

* Standing on the Sundial Bridge in Redding, California, in November 2009 and being approached by three middle-aged men who told me that they were on a treasure hunt.  They told me that they were looking for people who needed their prayers.  Immediately I responded that I needed their prayers, since I was applying to the Peace Corps to teach English in a foreign country, and was studying for the CLEP (College Level Examination Program) test to show my proficiency level in French to the Peace Corps.  We stood on the bridge, with our arms on each others' shoulders, praying, asking God to help me. 

* Driving north on Interstate 280 from San Jose to San Francisco on one particular afternoon in June 2010, knowing that the big blue envelope with the invitation from the Peace Corps was waiting for me at home in San Francisco.  As I drove home that day, I remember thinking that I was on my way to find out where I would be living for the next two years of my life.

* Driving north on 19th Avenue in San Francisco on that same day in June 2010, and, as I was only a few minutes from home, listening to the classical radio station play "Palladio" by Karl Jenkins.  I felt, and still feel, that its urgent, charged tempo and rhythm was apropos, as I only had a few more minutes to wait to find out to where I would be moving and serving in the Peace Corps. 

* Driving east on Interstate 580 right after I left the San Francisco Bay Area in July 2010 and sobbing as I left behind so many loved ones and the life I had lived there for years.  As I was sobbing, gasping for air, I was listening to the band Coldplay perform the song "What If."  As I listened to its message of being bold and taking the leap to live bravely, I reaffirmed my commitment to enter the Peace Corps. 

* Freaking out in early September 2010 as the time imminently approached for me to move out of the United States, in the only culture I had ever known. 

* Walking through the airport in Philadelphia where the other PCVs and I were meeting for our Staging date, when we had our orientation in the US preparing us to leave the US and fly here to Morocco.  As I neared the exit of the airport, I saw a poster advertising the Peace Corps which said, "Never have to start sentences with 'I should have...'"

* Speaking with my host brother, in whose home I lived during the first two months I lived here in Morocco.  In particular, I especially recall one conversation I had with him in which he was persistently apologizing for the attacks made in the US on September 11, 2001.  Despite my protests that he didn't have a responsibility to apologize for those attacks, he continued to apologize for them.

* Meeting a courageous young Moroccan Christian woman on the train between Marrakech and Fes in November 2010.  After she stated that it's illegal to be Christian in Morocco, she nevertheless shared her story of how she converted to Christianity despite the initial opposition of her family, who at first ostracized her and shunned her for deciding to be a Christian. 

* Leaving the cyber one day in November or December 2010 in the town in the Sahara where I lived for the better part of two years.  As I walked out into the Sahara sun, I despaired at how I felt that no one in the town would be able to understand how I felt, with the homesickness and culture shock I was feeling. 

* Crumpling emotionally in late January 2011 as I felt like I didn't have the strength to continue as a PCV, yet simultaneously feeling as if I had no choice but to continue with my Peace Corps service.  Feeling trapped, I cried out.  Soon after feeling so emotional, I found renewed fortitude as I thought of Jesus' words in Matthew 25:42-43.  I recalled His words there, how He reminds us that when we help the disempowered and disadvantaged, we are respecting Him.  Reminding myself of this teaching, I realized that I wouldn't be going anywhere, and that I would be finishing my Peace Corps service as scheduled, so as to help the people who I came here to Morocco to help. 

* Talking with a particular student at Spring Camp in 2011.  I was so glad to be discussing with him how God wants us to help each other.  I so enjoyed discussing the meaning of life with him, and even more knowing that he had been trying to live his life in a way to infuse it with meaning. 

* Meeting other expat Christians here in Morocco and attending Bible study sessions with them.  As I experienced spiritual community and fellowship with them, which I cherished very much, we supported each other as we tended to each others' spiritual growth.  Along with much of the spiritual reading I've done while here in Morocco, I felt like I benefited enormously from their support.

* Helping youths here in Morocco develop their critical thinking skills.  In the process, I feel that they articulated their ideals, what is most important to them, and how they want to live their lives.  In such creative writing exercises, they seemed to be describing the kind of people they admire and the type of people they aspire to be.  I hope that I helped them to be more conscious in how they choose to live their lives.

* Enjoying the magnanimous hospitality of Moroccans so many times.  I've been reminded that it is so important to be generous towards others and to take care of others.

Rather than bringing back a lot of new material possessions from Morocco, I'll be returning to the US with the insight gained from having lived in a markedly different culture.  I've learned, from different cultural norms, how I can benefit from approaching life in different ways.  I feel that I've learned how to be a better person.  I feel that during my Peace Corps service, God has taught, guided and directed me.  I'm so glad that I made the major changes in my life which were necessary to come here, since I feel that I am a much better person as a result of having so drastically changed my life. 

The envelope, s'il vous plaît...

Greetings to one and all,

Today I received the big blue envelope with the invitation to serve in the Peace Corps, and... I'm going to Morocco!

Scheduled to leave the USA in mid-September... with at least part of the assignment involving teaching English! Yeah!!!

I'm really looking forward to it, and will be writing more soon... I just have a lot to look over here, so if you will please excuse me!

A bientot...

The invitation is in the mail

After being contacted yesterday by the Placement Officer, and responding to her immediately, I was settling in for another wait, perhaps a couple more weeks. Much to my surprise, I logged into my e-mail today and learned that an invitation is being sent to me in the mail this week. Needless to say, I am thrilled that it's on the way! I don't know what departure date or host country the invitation mentions... Stay tuned for another post, coming very soon!!!

This is turning out to be harder than I expected it to be...

So, I've been sifting through my belongings and papers for months now, in anticipation of the day when I receive my invitation from the Peace Corps. I've been trying to get prepared, so that when the invitation comes, I'll be ready to go.

In the last couple of weeks, though, I've cut down into depths I haven't touched in over a decade. Both physically and emotionally. I've looked at papers I haven't read in a dozen years. And that has elicited feelings in me I hadn't anticipated. There are reasons why I hadn't looked at these papers in so long: because I've been out enjoying my life; out doing things I've wanted to do for years; out having fun; out enjoying the present; out there looking forward instead of backward.

I've been sifting through these old things, only because I'm forcing myself to do it, to minimize what my parents and sister will store for me until I return, whenever that is. So by making myself sort through these things, I'm placing my choice, to uproot myself, squarely in front of myself. This decision is becoming more real, and less avoidable; thus the effects of it are becoming real, and less avoidable. I'm getting ready to move out of the country for some amount of years. And now that that choice is starting to become concrete, I'm feeling anticipation of the withdrawal that I'm going to feel. A profound sadness. I've told some of you that it's not just because I'm going to be away from my family and friends for so long. Also not just that I'm leaving the San Francisco Bay Area, California, and the west coast, of which I am so fond.

I've realized that I'm going to be ripping myself, in a rather jarring way, out of the only culture I've really ever known. The culture which has shaped me since before I was even aware of my own consciousness. So I've realized that I'm going to be leaving behind almost everything which is familiar to me. It's not so much frightening as it is making me realize that I'm going to be leaving behind so many people, places, institutions and things which I find comforting. I had certainly thought before now about how much I would miss people I love. But I hadn't really thought that I would significantly miss the cultural comforts to which I'm accustomed. Foolish of me not to have expected it, but the truth nevertheless.

As I type this blog post, I'm realizing that the end results will be so worth the discomfort, withdrawal, and pain I'm going to feel. I'm going to learn about, and teach, and help, people I've wanted to meet and know and befriend for many years now. I'll be adding cultural richness and exchange to my life. And perhaps, in time, I will come to be comforted, welcomed and warmed by some of the new customs, traditions and practices which I am going to learn through another culture. Maybe come the day, years from now, when I board my transport to leave my village in which I will have served in the Peace Corps for years, I will feel a separation anxiety which will rip at my heart just as painfully as what I feel now. And if that is how I feel upon completing my Peace Corps service, then one of the goals of the Peace Corps, to improve U.S. citizens' understanding of other cultures, will surely have been met.

Up Until Now...

I'm going to start at the very beginning. Or, I should say, as far back as I can remember.

I first remember wanting to go into the Peace Corps in the summer of 1996, right before I started law school. But, as most of you know, then I went into law school. Then I wanted to go into the Peace Corps right after I finished law school, in 1999, but I wasn't able to go into the Peace Corps then.

Toward the end of 2008, I started filling out the application for the Peace Corps. But then I shelved the app. In retrospect, I can say that I just wasn't ready for it. I was too much under the grip of a fear of loneliness while being in the Peace Corps.

But after not too long, the idea started creeping back into my head. And I started receiving messages of encouragement from completely different and unconnected places. One such instance of encouragement came in early August 2009, when I went on a hike in the East Bay led by a woman named Greta Franklin. Greta quit her job to hike the entire Appalachian Trail. In one trip. She had never gone on long hikes before then. I remember one moment in particular on that hike she led in Sibley Preserve up in the Oakland hills. She said something like, "I encourage you, if there's some major change, some adventure that you've been wanting to pursue, to do whatever it is you've been wanting to do."

The final push of encouragement, which was the catalyst leading me to irrevocably decide to be in the Peace Corps, came just days later when I was sitting in church one Sunday morning. The pastor was talking about doing what Jesus asks us to do, helping others. And that when we worry about being lonely, the pastor said, "Jesus says, 'It will be OK. I will be there, with you.'" And that was the moment when I decided that I would definitely go into the Peace Corps.

We often think of togetherness as being physically together. But there are different types of togetherness, different ways of being connected, showing that we care and that we want to help. And I've also reminded myself that I will be forming new relationships, and new emotional bonds, in addition to the ones I already have, all of which will help me when I'm in the Peace Corps. So, on that Sunday morning last August, I truly had thrown off the shackles of fear which had been preventing me from submitting my application to the Peace Corps during the previous year.

In late August 2009, I submitted my online application to the Peace Corps, and had my recommenders submit their recommendations on my behalf. In mid-September 2009, a recruiter interviewed me at the downtown Oakland office of the Peace Corps. The interview was a couple of hours long, and mostly consisted of his questions for me. Near the end of the interview, he asked me if I had any questions for him or other thoughts I wanted to convey to him. I told him that I really wanted to teach English in the Peace Corps, and that I would really like to use my knowledge of French. He told me that many of the English teaching positions in the Peace Corps are in French-speaking west Africa. He next told me that the Peace Corps now requires people who want to teach English in many French-speaking countries to demonstrate their proficiency in the French language before being invited to be a Peace Corps Volunteer in those countries. He explained that applicants can do this in one of two ways: (1) have taken a certain number of semesters of college-level French within a certain number of years before applying, or (2) get a certain score on a test administered by The College Board (which also administers the SAT). I didn't qualify based on having studied French recently enough, so that only left the second option for me.

I researched the test, the College Level Examination Program (CLEP) test, a little bit, and learned that The College Board only lets people take it once every six months. Wanting to go into the Peace Corps as soon as possible, I resolved to pass the CLEP test on the first try.

Near the end of my interview, the recruiter also told me that the Peace Corps also requires people who want to teach English to have volunteered at least 30 hours over a three-month period, either tutoring English or assisting a teacher who teaches English. So, in early October, I started volunteering as a tutor and teacher's assistant, which I have been very much enjoying.

The recruiter also told me that because I wanted to teach English in the Peace Corps, he would hold my application until I gained the relevant volunteering experience. Once I knew that my application would be on hold for three months while I gained the requisite volunteer experience, I realized that I might as well take as much time as possible to prepare for the CLEP test. Having gained the necessary volunteer experience in early January, I took the CLEP test in early January, and did well on it, achieving more than the minimum score which the Peace Corps requires of applicants who want to teach English in French-speaking countries.

When I brought my CLEP test results to my recruiter the next day, he told me that given the volunteer experience I had gained, he could nominate me for an English teaching position in any of the host countries to which the Peace Corps sends people to teach English. He then immediately added that because I had spent so much time studying French, that it made sense for him to wait until he saw an opening to teach English in a French-speaking country. I agreed. BTW, when a recruiter nominates a Peace Corps applicant, the recruiter is recommending that an applicant advance to the next stage of the application process. In nominating a Peace Corps applicant, a recruiter is also suggesting that a particular Peace Corps applicant would be well-suited to a particular volunteer position in the Peace Corps which will become vacant.

In late January, I was nominated to teach English in the region which the Peace Corps calls "North Africa/Middle East." Now, the Peace Corps only sends volunteers to two countries in that region: Morocco and Jordan. My recruiter told me that the posting, listing the position for which I was nominated, stated that "knowledge of French is preferred." So, impliedly, I was nominated to teach English in Morocco.

Several days after I was nominated, I received forms in the mail for my dentist and doctor to fill out. I made the necessary doctor appointments, and in mid-February, I mailed the dental and medical forms back to the Peace Corps. Applicants have to provide this information to the Peace Corps because the Peace Corps provides medical and dental care to volunteers while they are serving in host countries. The Peace Corps needs to make sure that it will be able to provide the dental and medical care which a particular volunteer needs when he or she is serving in a particular country.

On March 1, I received my dental clearance. Several weeks later, I received my legal clearance, indicating that there were not any legal obstacles to my entering the Peace Corps, such as a criminal record, or any civil legal obligations or complications, such as involvement in any civil lawsuits.

The Peace Corps informs applicants of updates to their applications by sending them an e-mail telling them to log into the website to get the update. For some reason, those e-mails from the Peace Corps are always sent just slightly after 2 a.m. Very early in the morning on May 7, I woke up. Really it's more accurate to say that it was in the middle of the night. Unable to fall back asleep for a while, I finally got out of bed after 3 a.m. I thought, "Who knows? Maybe there's an update from the Peace Corps..." When I checked my e-mail early that morning, I indeed had an e-mail from the Peace Corps telling me to log into the Peace Corps website to receive an update. Upon logging into the Peace Corps site, I saw that the medical section had been changed to say that a decision had been reached regarding my medical clearance, and that I should look for a letter in the mail. WHAT?!?! I thought, "Well, there's no way I'm going to fall back asleep now."

Later that morning, I received an e-mail message from the Placement Office in Washington, DC informing me that I had received my medical clearance. The Placement Office Admin Assistant also asked me to send any updates regarding any new volunteer experience I had gained, as well as any new classes I had taken. I immediately sent them an update about my volunteering, and I sent them a record of the French classes I've been taking at the Alliance Française, both before and after I took the CLEP test.

And now, I wait, for an invitation from the Peace Corps. Basically it will be for wherever I'm most needed, which may or may not be Morocco.

So that's all there is for now. FYI, future posts will be significantly shorter. I wrote so much so that people who didn't know all of this would be brought up to speed. Also I was trying to anticipate potential questions. But if you still have questions, ask away! I love talking about, and learning about, the Peace Corps, and I'm very excited about it!